New Days And New Ways!

Hi, been a while since I have had internet. Miss sharing with you all the things that have been happening. Life has been busy for me since moving to New England. Some good, some not so, lol. But I am still plugging along and trying to keep things together as well as making them progress for the better. Life is very different here, and some of it is so wonderful and some of it, is still creating adjustments for me. I hope everyday that soon things will fall into place and this period of struggle will finally end. I realize that many people out there have things much worse and some better than I do. It is all about going through each cycle with grace and happiness. I have always worked hard at being a happy l be able to enjoy the benefits of all my labors! A couple of things have been opened up to me in this past year. Part of the growth process is now about gratitude as I have mentioned before, still a work in progress there. Another thing I am learning is about spiritual grace. These are the biggest part of my growth for a while. No matter how crazy things seem sometimes, I am trying to keep up the smile, the faith, the appreciation and now handling it with the grace I should. Sounds like a lot to remember and sometimes it really is, sometimes I amaze myself! So many things have changed, made new friends, lost some too, and still keep on going. My new motto is Just Keep Swimming, just like in Nemo! No matter what it will get better or maybe worse, either way it is just for a minute. Change is the most consistent thing about life! It creates the roller coaster we all are riding. If you know anything about roller coasters, you know that, the fun is in the twists, turns and oh yeah, the great highs and those incredible, take your breath away downs too! So strap yourself in and just go for it! Haven’t won the lottery yet, but haven’t been playing for a bit. Will get back to it soon. Still trying to get work and my art out there. Still working on being the best possible version of me that I can be! Still working on loving all of you, no matter if you feel the same way back! So for now, sending my love to you all, as always wishing you all the best…..Love Diana

Spring Has Arrived!

Well, according to the calender spring is finally here. According to the weather it has been summer for about a week and now, more like winter again! Kind of a strange year I think, even though I am new to this area and can't really base it on experience here. I can make a judgement on past experience in other places and on what I hear is normal for this part of the country. All seem to agree this is a very unusual winter and now spring as well.

Sorry it has been a while, been doing a lot of things to get my life and career on track, no great news so far. Things seem to be moving at a snail's pace when all I want is for it to be over! Very typical of some one wanting and needing change, it never seems to happen fast enough. Then once it is over, we look back and seem to think it wasn't so bad. Hind sight is 20/20, but memories and emotions are so easily altered! Guess it is a good thing, because if we did not have the ability to forget, pain, suffering and stresses in general, most of us would not have been born!

I have been working on some new art, while I still have the extra time. Unfortunately I have not taken pics of them yet, but they are on the way. Still trying to find steady and reliable work. I keep putting applications out there, going to interviews and so far no one around here is hiring for at least another month. I hope to broaden my search soon, at least once my car is able to be road worthy. Lots of hold ups, so I am spending my time not only looking for work, but also trying to make money in unconventional ways. Currently, I am working on a painting for a client, should be done in a few more days, I will also take a picture of it. That way you can see what I have been working on.

Life still goes on, and every day, I work really hard on visualizing the life I want, and keeping my mind heart and soul in the happiest place possible. Sounds like an excuse, it just seems some days are harder than others. I know it will get easier, once things really start moving in the direction I want them too. All and all, I am in a good place. Occasionally, there are a few people in my life, that seem bent on pushing me down, the difference now is, that I do not let it keep me down. Sometimes I even manage to slip by without it affecting me at all! That is a real accomplishment. I am ready for a life where I am completely independent again, and I do not have to answer or accommodate anyone. Time for me to be free again! One thing I know for sure, is I was made this way, very independent, therefore this cannot last much longer. We tend t create what we need the most. I am hardily working on this part of my life, so hard I am split too many ways sometimes. For now, this is my path until the right doors appear, and then I will work night and day to blow them wide open!

Anyway, haven't checked my lottery ticket yet, I could be a millionaire right now! What a great way to start off the week! Hoping you are having a wonderful weekend and sending you my love as always, diana




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Renewal!

Happy Friday to you! I was busy yesterday, thought I would fill you in. I got up early and headed out to the local welfare office. A friend of mine works there and I had promised later that day to help her set up for the Dinner Bell. Every Thursday night, during non tourist times of the year, several people get together and prepare a meal at the church. Sue (my friend) does the cooking for this event. The food is paid for by donations and the church there. The meal is served to those who can attend, they can donate if possible or just eat. This is a wonderful service for the older generation, financially challenged or anyone just wanting to get out and have dinner with other people. Last nights dinner was pork roast, peas, mashed potatoes (from scratch), gravy, rolls ans for dessert ice cream pies. There is also a spot set of to serve yourself beverages, and those consisted of regular coffee, decaf, fruit punch and ice water.

So, after she got out of work at noon at the welfare office, we walked over to the church to get everything set up for dinner. One of the other ladies met us there with her fiancee, with the food. They picked it up at the grocery store on their way over. Her name is Judy and his is Earl. Earl did not stay long, busy with the police, some one had stolen his truck recently and it has not been found. The thief was caught, but the vehicle is missing. Anyway, we dove in peeling potatoes and preparing the pork roasts for dinner. Six bags of potatoes and four huge pork roasts later, we began setting up the dining room. Once everything was set up and cooking, more volunteers began arriving to finish setting up the food, and serving the guests. The long and short of it, was we had a busy day, and I for one really enjoyed, feeling like I was part of something again. That really has been the hardest part about not working (obviously other than the lack of funds) not feeling like I am needed for anything. That is why I decided to do this, just to see if it helped. It helped a lot!

Once everyone was fed, we ate, and then the cleanup began. Lots of dishes, they used real plates and silverware. So we had all the pots, pans, baking dishes, serving dishes, plus the usual plates and silverware. It was really fun, we ll cut up with each other and laughed a lot. It was one of the best days I have had in a while. getting out of the house was great, but being able to do something that helped some one too, was wonderful! It was a chance to reconnected with a few faces, I haven't seen since I was working and meet new faces as well. Nice night.

Today, it is back to looking for work, and a few errands to run. I feel so much more optimistic and worthwhile too. Maybe with any luck I will paint today too. Wishing you and yours the best of times today and all weekend. Sending you my love as always, diana



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Giving Back!

We today I went down to the food bank. Needed groceries and some toiletries. I have not been able to get a ride to the food stamp office, and so I walked to the food bank, hoping to get some assistance, I had no idea how I was going to get it all home, it is about a mile walk, and not a big deal empty handed, but carrying, dish soap, laundry soap and groceries was going to be a tough challenge. Stepping out in faith that somehow I would make it home without difficulty and letting that supreme power handle my light work. Great news, I made it home with a ride from some one I knew up there and arrived without incident at my home. Even got help carrying it all in! What a great day!

Well, this all lead to something else. On occasion, I have walked up to the church next door to that office for dinner on Thursday nights. It is usually good food and a chance to meet people from around town. I asked my friend who helped me get home today, if she could use some help tomorrow. Yes, she is the one who does the cooking for this dinner every week. She said yes. I mean hey, what else am I doing right now? I am currently unemployed and count on these little things myself to stay fed and keep a roof over my head. So I thought I am not doing anything like work at this time, other than working on my art. So I have time to give back in a simple way to those who have been helping me. I can offer my arms and legs and help them to continue to provide these services. In my own little way helping to contribute to my own needs as well as giving me an opportunity to help people who are in my situation or even worse off. So, tomorrow I will be working. It may not be a paying gig, but it is working. This is my way of saying to those powers that be, I am ready to give my time. With any luck, it will expedite my chances of making some real cash! keep your fingers crossed, I really need a break, and am willing to do what I have to do to make it happen.

Well, I have about $2.00 in chance on me, just enough to get one last lottery ticket. I just got home, and not sure if I am going to splurge it today or wait for Saturday night's drawing. I will see what my gut tells me. For now I am happy to be home again and looking forward to working on some painting. It is my stress release. Since tomorrow I will not be home all day, this is my day to do what brings me joy! I am going to work, smile and dream of the things I want in my life. Wishing for all the blessings and dreams I wait to happen everyday. Wish me lots of luck, I am sending it your way too! If you have anything to share, I will gladly respond and if you want an extra happy wish, let me know what you are hoping for and I will send some extra love and good wishes your way. Sending out my love to you and yours as always, diana

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In The Beginning......

In the beginning I was taught to not trust, to not expect anything from anyone, except maybe harm. In the beginning they told me life was hard and fraught with peril and sadness, struggle and pain. In the beginning they wanted me to work hard, no matter if it was hard work or even if it killed me a little everyday. But even in the beginning, I thought they were wrong! All the good that surrounded me, and all the love and caring people shared with each other, was so very obvious to me. How could it be that no one around me was seeing this? It was sadly, the way my family thought and taught us to be. My voice was always quiet, never had a lot to say, but when backed into a corner I always stood up for what I believed in. One day, I said it all out loud, and from that day forward, I was the stupid one, The daughter who was the black sheep, the prodigal child, who deserved nothing more than pity at best and ridicule at worst. So here I am, still wondering when we are all going to wake up and smell the roses.

Once upon a time, in a simpler world we all took time to appreciate the things that were around us. Smelling the flowers or the fresh breeze. Looking into the sky to see what shapes the clouds would make or what stars were in the sky. Feeling the air on our skin, and the rain drops and snowflakes on our tongues. Once upon a time, when we were not so busy being distracted by all the noise, and trinkets in our hands and pockets, we remembered to say hello to the person walking past us on the street. Not some monotones gesture, but a true greeting, full of warmth and friendliness. Once upon a time, our neighbors were like our family, and they were all loved and respected for whatever they offered to us and society in general. All people had worth, all people were deserving of love and companionship, all were regarded as special in some way or other.

This is not about a "Oh woe is me" kind of blog. This is about remembering some of the things we used to value. This is about taking a moment everyday to reflect on the value of all life and its connection to us. Remembering the simpler times, and cherishing those moments, in the hopes that these qualities can return to us. Looking for the beauty around us, will only increase the chances of seeing more beauty. The more we appreciate it, the more beautiful it becomes, the more we see to appreciate! So, for my part, today I am focusing on the things that make me feel love. The things that fill my heart with joy and happiness, the things that make peace a living breathing part of my life. Today, I am working harder than any other day to bring that part of me into fullness. My goal, is simply to rejuvenate myself to the sweetness and bliss of the child they tried to change. To bring back to life that zest for living, and the joy of seeing, the happiness of dreaming and the bliss of some ones simple gesture of love and kindness! Today, is the newest beginning in a process of reclaiming the ecstasy of that happy child, full of naivety, not in the way people think, and maybe even then some. Sometimes ignorance of the ugly things in the end spares us. Spending too much time focusing on the horrible things will always jade us, and in worst cases ruin us. How can we love anything or anyone, when we fear everything that is around us?

Hoping your having a great day! Sending my love to you as always, diana

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Learning To Trust Again!

Well, just my thoughts in general these days. It is funny how life can spin you around from one thing to the next. Right now my life in many ways resembles my life twenty or more years ago. I have been very studious about it.It only occurred to me a few weeks ago, how much my life right now mirrors my life back then. Constantly looking to see what the lesson or lessons I need to remember so I do not find myself in that place again! So many of the circumstances are like a dream from yesterday, faces and names have changed, but the similarities to that point are unmistakable One thing I know for sure, is that I cannot and will not repeat it, just fix what I missed.

I do know that I have changes so much. I am not as timid, still quiet and laid back, but not afraid to be myself! Even if being me costs a friendship or any kind of relationship. Maybe it isn't about learning anything other than the fact that I am different, even better than I was before. My confidence is greater, my love is stronger, and my outlook on life in general is so much better than it was. I am happy and comfortable being alone, but not denying that I will one day soon will be in love again. This time it will be better than ever! Knowing more about myself and what I like and don't like helps. But even more so, the fact that desperation is not part of my vocabulary anymore. Knowing I am okay by myself, makes it easier to see things more clearly and rake my time, before those rose colored glasses get in the way.

The bottom line is that learning to love is easy, learning to trust is the hard part. Truthfully, how can u really love in a pure way, when u cannot trust in a pure way. No strings attached, no drama, no guilt or rules, that is the hard part. Learning to trust is easier when you realize, that if some one fails you, it is okay. It is not a reflection of you, it is only a reflection of the person who betrays that trust. And guess what? That is the one who should be doing the soul searching! We must learn to trust, we must learn to love, it is in all of our best interests to do so. We not only grow as individuals by doing this, we grow as a race, when we learn to give the best of ourselves to our self of course, and then to others (whether they deserve it or not), and to the planet or world we live in. Just remember, even we do not deserve the kindness others show us, it is not about deciding who deserves it. If it was based on this, none of us would ever see an act of kindness, it is about the one smart enough to know, the act of kindness is what we deserve to give ourselves. When we learn to be kind to ourselves first ( knowing we don't always deserve it), it becomes easier to be kind to everyone and everything else, no matter what.

Hoping you are having a wonderful weekend! Wishing you a great week as well. As always sending out my love to you and yours, until we meet here again, diana



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Do You Believe In Magic?

Magic is a state of mind or really a concept subject to interpretation. Do you require a magic wand? Is there some special incantation? How long will it take? How long does it last? Is it guaranteed to work? Will anyone else know you did this magic (least of all if it is anyone you sent it to)? Once you do it will anyone figure out you can do magic? If they do, will they be scared of you? What if you made magic work, who could you tell? Funny concepts for sure. I know that through the ages people of all shapes and sizes, colors and nationalities, from all economic backgrounds have tried to break this code. It shows in history, with alchemists, witch doctors, shaman and all other sorts of healers and religious leaders. So many have tried and some may have even been successful, who knows. Once they broke the barrier, who could they tell, what could they tell? These things have a way of turning on you.

So, I ask you. DO you believe in magic? What kind of magic? I will answer as best I can.I do believe in magic. Really? Yes, I do, now let me explain: I will define magic as something happening, where there is no explanation. Something that seems to ignore the boundaries of logic and science.You wake up wanting a corn dog, and all day you wish you could have one. You have no money to buy one. Yet sometime late in the day some one just walks up to you and hands you a couple of corn dogs. Not because you asked for it, or paid for it, just because something outside of themselves said, give her a corn dog! That has actually happened to me. Magic is the belief, that no matter what it is that you wish, some how it will make itself to you. As a child, I was afraid to express it to anyone. My religious family would have thought I was possessed by the devil. As an adult, they would just think I needed to go to the hospital and have my head checked. One day, I was given the opportunity to learn about Visualization and manifestation, lol, the more I learned, the more it sounded like magic to me!

So, based on that definition, I do believe in magic. I am doing all I can to practice it, and keep on making wishes that make me happier and better as a person everyday. For those of you who do not believe in such things, I am sure you have something you do believe in that comforts you or guides your way through life. Just a silly thought from me to you. No win last night, but am waiting to win Saturday, looking forward to it! I am ready to focus on my art career and settle into my own home again. Need to shop around for a new car soon too! As always sending my love to you and all you love, have a wonderful day, diana



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